"Do you love me?"...

"Yes, momma" says boy #4 as he gazes at me through tear filled eyes.

"If you love me you'll obey me" The words somehow reverberate off his wet face. Penetrate my disobedient heart. Did I just hear what I said?

Yes, Lord I love you. Why don't I obey? I am your child. And I disobey. Sometimes quite knowingly. Actually most often. My flesh wins out. I fail. I stumble. Why do I hold my child to a higher standard than I hold myself?

"If you love me, you will obey what I command"... John 14:15

Oh Lord, may my heart be drenched in Your love and compassion and mercy. Things that I am so undeserving of. Terribly, miserably undeserving of. May I yearn for obedience. Thank you for Your grace and forgiveness when I stumble. May I duplicate and resonate your love and grace to my children. Teach me to train them in your ways, so they too may seek to obey.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres . Love never fails." I Corinthians 13: 4-8

New Direction

Over the last several years my passion for homeschooling has dwindled, mostly out of my own selfish ambitions. I've felt overwhelmed and discouraged. Day after day I've felt like a wandering pilgrim. I knew what destination I wanted to arrive at but didn't know how to get there. Or maybe I did know how to get there but the path seemed too difficult, too steep to climb, too rocky to safely manuever . Perhaps its because by nature I'm a rebel and I constantly find myself in the flesh bucking against the leadership of my husband.

I thank GOD for His grace. I don't understand it. I just know I need it. Without God's love and grace and forgiveness I am nothing. Nothing.

So I return to the path. A difficult one for sure. But the one I know our family is called to. I want to instill a genuine love of learning in my children. I want to Explore. Be awed by His marvelous world. I want to restore the wonder of creation. I want to read together. Pray together. Live together. I want to listen to the Spirit. And most importantly I want to love. Love our amazing God, each other and those around us. This is a meaningful, well lived life. I pray, by God's grace it is ours.

Photo: Big boy studying at fire's side. Little girl toes exploring sand

Little Boy Kisses

He brought me a dandelion. I tucked it behind my ear. He looked at me with his deep brown eyes. His hands gently cradled my face. He gave me a little boy kiss...and it was simply beautiful.