Hannah loves to draw and write. Her latest
fascination is copying anything and everything she can get a hold of. Yesterday I found little post it notes all over the house. Apparently she was in the kitchen because they said things like "corn starch" and "nutmeg". For many weeks she has written me little notes and drawn me pictures of us . Her stick people are adorable and she always gives me curly hair and a broad smile. Often times when I walk in the door after being gone I will find a note on the entry table that tells me she loves me. Not a day goes by that I don't get at least one love letter from my little girl. And honestly, until today, I haven't really given them a whole lot of thought. Many times, she'll come to show me when I'm cooking dinner or schooling the boys. Its seems its always when I'm busy. I'll give her a glance and tell her its pretty which always seems to delight her little 5 year old soul. Then she walks away and I throw it in the trash. After all, if I kept all of them I would have a pile a mile high. But tonight as I was baking cookies I glanced over on the kitchen counter and saw the note she wrote me earlier. Somehow it had not made it to the garbage like all the others do. I looked at those scratchings, the little girl scribbles, her words carried from one line to the next and for a moment time stood still. I realized one day I would long for them. I pictured myself old and gray walking in the front door to an empty entry table. I envisioned myself cooking dinner with no interruptions. I thought about life without love scribbles from little girls. And it made me sad. One day I know I will cling to her notes and wish there were more. Dear God let me enjoy the simple deliveries of love from my children. Their every kiss, their every hug, and every beautiful childhood love letter.
I love my little girl. Don't get me wrong I adore my boys. All of them. But there is just something extra special about Hannah. Last night we were laying in bed together. She was watching Strawberry Shortcake and I was making out a grocery list. All of a sudden out of the blue she cuddled up to me and in the darkness whispered, "I love you. I could never get a better mom, cause you're the best" Her words penetrated my heart.
Day after day I seem to struggle through parenting. I try hard to be a good mom. But I feel so inadequate and sometimes question how in the world did God think I could possibly rear all these children. I yell. I holler. I vent. I talk too much. I don't really listen. I'm too busy. I'm quick to anger. I'm often selfish. But Hannah sees more than that. And for that I am thankful.
